Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
