How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
