I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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