so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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