when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
