Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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