she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize