Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
