Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
