I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I wear drunk well.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
