i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
