Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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