If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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