Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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