Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
