I puked a lego.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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