I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
