my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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