Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
