i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
