Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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