operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
