"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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