My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
