Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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