im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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