Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
