I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
