I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
