is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just want to make out with him forever
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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