can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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