Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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