Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
