anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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