I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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