My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
