you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
