I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
