Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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