I wannas sexs uuuuu
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
