it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
