after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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