flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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