so explain again why im purple
no
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Operation Purity has been aborted
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
