I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
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