Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
