all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
