Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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