Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
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Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
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Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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