so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
