She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
