last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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