who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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