We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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