So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
