Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
