final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
