Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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