you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
