Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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