I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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