Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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