i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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