My liver just broke up with me...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
