he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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