I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
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i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
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After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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