i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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