taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
