i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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