guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
