I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
