She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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