We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
