I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
