Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
