listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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